If you’ve read ‘My experience of sex education in England’, you know the sex education I received wasn’t the best. I ended up mostly being self taught. However, I didn’t learn everything, and still haven’t, but here are some things I wish I’d known about sex…before I started having it.
Having sex doesn’t just mean putting a penis inside a vagina.
Now some of you may call the rest of sex foreplay. But I believe the clue is in the name: oral sex, anal sex, it’s still all sex. So why shouldn’t we count it if we want to? I believe that the issues surrounding what counts as sex come from a long history of heteronormativity, as well as the debated purpose of sex, for pleasure or reproduction. However, sex is so much more than that, and I think as long as you’re safe and consensual, enjoy yourself and call it what you want.
Sperm will splodge out of a vagina randomly after penis in vagina sex.
Whether it’s lying in bed after sex, all cuddled up and basking in oxytocin, or walking down the street after a bit of enjoyment before moving on with your day, gravity will play its part. It is something I never knew would happen, but is quite logical. I was really surprised when it first happened though. It’s the little things like this that would be helpful to learn in sex education lessons so we don’t make a mess on the way to the bathroom or ruin our favourite pants.
Clitoris’s get erect.
Luckily, for us who have them, it’s unlikely we will be caught out with an accidental boner. Even when feeling particularly horny, a clitoris don’t change in size and shape as dramatically as a penis.
Wee after, and before, sex!
This is more likely to be an issue for those of us with vaginas. There is a shorter distance from a female urethra to the bladder than a male. Therefore, there is a bigger chance of bacteria reaching the bladder and causing a UTI. For those with penis’s maybe leave it a little while. Have your cigarette after sex, or you may find it a bit hard (pun intended) or uncomfortable to wee straight away.
Having sex shouldn’t hurt, but sometimes it might.
If you’re aroused, comfortable, and using lube, sex shouldn’t be hurting. This doesn’t just go for your first time. Yet, sometimes it might. So here are some suggestions:
- Vaginas/anuses: We may have been told that sex will hurt and we might bleed on our first time, we shouldn’t. However, the skin and tissue is elastic. So, if you’re not used to sex, or aren’t having regular sex, it may be uncomfortable to have things put in there. Working up slowly, starting with one, then two fingers, even starting with smaller sized sex toys will help. Also remember to use lube! Find the one that is right for you and/or your partner.
- Penises (or peni?): If you’re not used to having sex, then the new type of friction might cause your penis to feel sore. Take it easy and remember to use lube! Find the one that is right for you and/or your partner.
Another reason you may feel uncomfortable is prolonged sex. Too much friction will eventually cause a burning sensation, at which point, it’s time to stop for at least a little while. Sex isn’t about setting goals, it’s about enjoying yourself. You don’t have to keep going and going until orgasm or ejaculation. If that’s something that’s important for you, it doesn’t have to be done just one way.
You don’t have to have sex.
It’s not a rite of passage to becoming an adult or an essential part of the teenage experience. Being surrounded by peer pressure and double standards made it so hard for me to make decisions about my body. Whether I was basing the decisions on my own feelings or whether I was so influenced by the pressures around me I don’t know if I’ll ever know. Just because the age of consent in the UK is 16, doesn’t mean you have to have sex at 16, or ever. But if you do, get sexy and stay safe.
What did you wish you’d known before having sex?
Let me know in comments below.